faith

i love dogs! our neighbor's pet "Digger" is the one that made me appreciate their existence. but, when i was little, i was afraid of dogs. i found them unruly (instead of playful), dirty (instead of cuddly), and frightening (instead of lovable). because of that, my grandmother taught me a prayer to San Roque, the patron saint of dogs. It was more like an incantation which i have to repeatedly recite outloud or in my mind everytime i come face to face with dogs. here's what it is...

"San Roque, na matagal na naming pintakasi,
and alaga nyo pong aso ay inyo pong bantayan
sapagkat dadaan po ako."

And believe it or not, everytime i chant that litany, dogs act as if they do not see me at all. so it stuck to me as a habit.

then last night as i passed by two pitbulls, who love to bully my lovable Digger, i once again prayed the above litany. then i thought, "Heck! why the hell am i reciting this where in fact i don't believe in saints!"

and i realized that it wasn't the "faith" in San Roque that keep dogs from attacking and biting me. it wasn't his name either. otherwise, every Roque guy in town would be adored by dogs.

i believe that somehow, the litany gives me a sense of peace within me instead of fear and panic. and normal dogs don't just attack you when they don't sense fear and hostility from you.

=)

taken

words failed to describe your radiance
illuminated by the glorious sun
you walked towards me with a becoming charm

completely unprepared for what was to come
i stood still and let the wind blew by
electrifying everything your gaze fell upon

how have i missed this kind of power
the one that sparks life in every atom
of desire, of hope, of love

was i ready to succumb to your immeasurable force,
abandoning everything that i was
just to be swayed by your magnificence?

no, perhaps in a different lifetime
when we were both guiltless and unattached
then, and only then, can we freely fool around.

fear

"i must not fear. fear is the mind killer. fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. i will face my fear. i will permit it to pass over me and through me. and when it has gone passed, i will turn the inner eye to see its path. where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. only I will remain."

- Bene Gesserit Proverb
Dune by Frank Herbert

romeo, romeo

where art thou, my romeo?

am i to grieve for the silence that envelopes you?

or rejoice for it bears the seal of thy love for me?

my heart bleeds to see you...

brooding

feeling down and betrayed for no reason at all. haven't felt this lonely for months. and i wonder why feel this way now? not PMS 'coz it's been two weeks already after my period. sinister thoughts that have been haunting me all along...oh please stop! i can't go on like this. this is not helping me and my kool. pressure on kool has to stop. kool needs a break. gotta do something out of my routine...

am i just getting bored? of what? maybe i need a new job. and a new environment. new boyfriend? nahh! forget it. a fling? pwede... NO! i can't. i live by the golden rule. and i'd die if kool cheated on me!

ugh! i hate this moment! makes me want to reach my phone and call my unsespecting baby. gotta make this stop!

sin city

sin city is one of the best films that i've watched this june. well of course on top of them all is batman begins. :) the film made me appreciate the comics more than before. i have a soft copy of its comics and if you're interested, just post your e-mail in the comment section. ;)

i wish...

today, we had this general assembly about the government's rationalization plan. the rationalization plan aims to make the government service effficient and effective at an affordable level, in an accountable way. part of the process of rationalization is to review the current functions of each agency, each division, and each employee. if your job was considered redundant, you're position will be dissolved. and you could choose whether to remain in government service or avail the separation/retirement incentives.

how i wish for my position to be redundant! if it happens, the government would have to pay me 50k plus my pag-ibig refund, plus, plus, plus. i would keep the cash as savings because i don't have any as of this moment or invest it in a business venture that i really, really like such as fruit shakes, fashion accessories, comics, pasalubong center, ice cream shop, and tacos. then i could apply and get a job in an international or multinational company and earn a bigger sahod than what i am receiving right now.

heeheehee

it was just a dream. walang masamang mangarap. =)

but then my world crumbled because my boss just confirmed that my position will never be affected by this rationalization plan. hmmpp! i no longer like to stay here. i'm so bored. i want a more challenging job. a job where i wouldn't have the time to surf the net leisurely just like what i am doing right now. i want a job where i would get pressures from bosses for a deadline or something to that effect. and of course i want a 25,000 or more remuneration per month for that challenging job!

does anybody know where i could get a job like that? or an open position where i could apply? please tell me if you do coz i am dead bored over here.

nice prayer

Forgive Me When I Whine
========================

Today, upon a bus,
I saw a girl with golden hair.
and wished I was as fair.

When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.

And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue.
He stood and watched the others play.
He did not know what to do.

I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others, dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew, he couldn't hear.

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.


~Author Unknown~

puerto galera

fly away...
...from busy streets
...from paperworks
...and aircon breeze

feel...
...the sand
...the summer sun
...and the clean fresh air of the beach

drown...
...all worries and loneliness
...tired eyes
...and stressed feet

enjoy...
...the pristine sea
...the clear blue sky
...and a momentous solitude

love to blog

a friend once wrote in his blog that blogging is only for the talented. but no, i totally disagree. 


blogging is for those who have the passion to share their thoughts, their art, and a bit of themselves to the world of 0s and 1s. 

a blog is a venue where one can express individuality, beliefs, and emotions without the conventional rules in writing, without a professor or a teacher tagging along behind your back to check your work.  it is a place where you can write the most mundane, spiritual, and philosophical ideas in your mind, where you can post your most beautiful and funny pictures to share with your friends, where you can use language or dialect you're most comfortable with.  it is a place where you can be YOU!



so, here is a picture of myself.  i am sharing with you a panoramic view of my life as i lay down the landscape, bits by bits.

"cleaners" and allergic rhinitis

eversince this 4-day work period started, janitors and janitress in our building stopped sweeping and cleaning the marbled floor in our office. now, everything is dusty and you can see footprints on the floor. they still mop it but only leaves dirty watermarks because as i've said earlier, nobody sweeps it anymore.

i remember when i was in high school we used to clean our room. i studied in a public school so we don't have janitors and janitress. our class was divided into five groups. the grouping was called "cleaners" and each group was called by the day of the week that we are scheduled to do the cleaning, like "friday group" for example.

i think that this "cleaners" thing is okay because students are trained to handle responsibilities, like maintaining the classroom clean for the whole day. students will feel what it is like to clean so they will try as much as possible not to make some mess in the classroom. but in high school, this thing does not apply to every student. most students in fact, try to make more mess when it's not their turn to clean. they do this for the mere fact of making the lives of the "cleaners" miserable. it's kinda funny how kids think.

eniweis, back to the friday group. this friday group has the hardest work and the most responsibilities of all the groups. Aside from dusting, sweeping and mopping, the Friday group (since it is the last day of the week) does the floor waxing and polishing. these two are definitely the hardest work to do in cleaning the classroom. unfortunately, i always ended up in this group.

since i have allergic rhinitis, every cleaning time on fridays i had unstoppable running nose, watery and tired eyes, and a headache. this haedache was my perpetual excuse not to do this and that. but of course my ever beloved groupmates wouldn't allow me to rest while they are cleaning. so i still got to do all the dirty work.

i didn't know then that dust and the smell of floorwax are my allergens. and i didn't realized that my allergy was causing my headache. and excuse letter for my case was not acceptable then. (people in my town were not open to ideas of deviations. today, this is still true to some people.)

so everytime my friends and i reminisce those memories, they always tease me with my forever favorite dialogue during cleaning time, "ka ethel, masakit ang ulo ko..."

belly dancing

last friday, April 15, 2005, i just had my first belly dancing lesson!

o diva! ang saya! hihihi. it was fun and i love it!



if you're interested to join, just text me. the class takes place at Tandang Sora ave. every friday morning, 8:30 am. =)

whew!

sa wakas! natapos ko din ang mga requirements ko sa MA. masarap mag-aral kasi nagagamit ko ang utak ko kaso nakakapagod pala kapag kasabay sa trabaho. lalo na kung 8 hours 5 days a week ang trabaho. idagdag pa na matrabaho ang napili kong graduate program. pagod talaga!

pero masaya. nadagdagan ang aking mga kaibigan. mas lumawak ang aking mundo...ang aking pananaw (maliban sa pulitika dahil kahit anong mangyari wala akong kahit katiting na interest sa bagay na iyan).

sa isang sem na inilagi ko sa eduk, natutunan ko ang mga tawag sa iba't-ibang kapansanan at ang mga programa para sa kanila. natutunan ko ang gumawa ng curriculum, curriculum benchmarks, subject map, weekly plan at detailed lesson plan. challenging ang pag-aaral ng kursong education. pipigain nito ang lahat ng creative juices sa utak mo.

natutunan kong teaching is an art. hindi ito nasasaklaw lamang ng siyensya. walang eksaktong pamamaraan ng pagtuturo. bawat estudyante sa isang klase ay may sari-sariling pangangailangan at kinakailangang malaman ito at magawan ng paraan ng isang guro. bawat estudyante ang kailangang isaalang-alang sa bawat leksiyon na ituturo. ang kakayahang matuto ng isang mag-aaral ay nakasalalay sa mga guro nito. mahirap pala ang maging guro dahil napakalaki ng responsibilidad na hawak nila.

pero umpisa pa lang pala ang mga iyan. dalawang taon o mahigit pa ang aking kailangang bunuin upang maging ganap na guro at upang lubos na maunawaan ang propesyon. sana lang manatiling matatag ang aking puso upang matapos ang aking nasimulan.

corny (giggles)

we watched Phantom of the Opera last night. on our way home i told hoseal that christine is one lucky girl coz she's loved by two men (let's just forget the fact that one of them is a madman for ka-cornihan's sake, k?) even after her death. but then i realized, why would i need the love of two me when i already have my hoseal's love? (giggle) and i hugged him tightly.

then he said, "pwede namang more than one ah. the one-is-to-one love affair is just a social construct." i reacted quite violently with his answer. i hate it when the 1:1 relationship is challenged. then he followed it up with the "multiple universe ek-ek". he said, "malay mo, in the other universe, we could be in a more complicated relationship. nagkataon lang na dito tayo nagsimula."

is he trying to tell me something? hmmp! wala nang subtleties and fishing-fishing questions! i asked him, "are you happy in this universe? are you happy with me?" but of course i asked the question with a void-of-feelings tone. parang kaibigan lang na nagtatanong sa kapwa nya kaibigan ng isang bagay na hindi makakaapekto sa kanilang relasyon.

and he answered, "Yes" in the same tone but with sparkling eyes and a full of love hug. (is it real or is it just my imagination? joke lang, it's true) syempre kilig to death naman ako! hihihi

hayy, life is so beautiful! :)

being normal and human

to date, i've been in a relationship for 7 years, 8 months and 17 days. he's my first (and only) love and i am his (walang kokontra!). together, we have gathered a lot of beautiful, magical, and spiritual moments to cherish. we've also encountered a lot of trials and difficulties but managed to face them all unscathed.

for all those years, i have made him the center of my life. i didn't join any organizations in college because i wanted to spend all my free time with him. i never got the chance to expand my circle. i never got the chance to talk to other people but his friends and mine. but i am happy with it. and during those years i expected the same from him.

but these past few months i started asking myself questions like, "what would i be if we hadn't met at such an early age?"..."what does it feel like to flirt or date other men?"..."do all men kiss the same?"...questions that i do not know if i would be able to answer. questions that popped up only when a single girlfriend tells me stories of her escapades and crushes. or when a gorgeous and smart guy took notice of my presence.

and then i wondered why i hadn't asked those questions before. not that i have plans of trying those things now, i was just wondering why only now? was it because of what happened last october? or was it just that i was too enthralled by hoseal's charms before to notice other men? he used to tell me that my beauty overshadows every beautiful thing in this world. he's pretty sweet, noh? hihihi (giggle).

enyweis, i asked myself what was i thinking of? why ask? why wonder? and i begn wondering if it somehow affected my love for hoseal? -- surely, it didn't. or was it the other way around? -- Definitely NOT! so, why?

ahh, i was just being normal and human. just like my roommates. just like my girl friends. just like hoseal. -- we talked about it before, and the feeling is mutual.

i hated it. i hated being normal. why can't i just live a fantasy life like before? why do i have to be just like everybody else? it brought complications in my life. it challenged everything i used to believe in.

but, it freed me. it freed us both. it made my trust for him complete. and the freedom we have right now is very good for our relationship. it helped me grow into a more mature individual (or so i hope). and it definitely made us stronger! :)

foreign client

i'm currently assisting a Belgian client do his research on the Philippine exports of medicinal plants. he is soooo cute! he's got hazel eyes, tall, and lean body. and he knows what he's talking about.

wala lang. i am just looking for an outlet of my kilig. coz i don't want it to show. hihihi

kool -> wag ka magagalit baby ha? naku-cute-an lang naman ako eh. ;)

horn blowing incident

nakakairita ang mga drivers (lalo na yung mga nasa private and airconditioned cars) na busina ng busina ng pagkalakas-lakas sa mga jeeps na nasa unahan nila! sila ang mga taong walang pakundangan sa mga taong napeperhuwisyo sa paligid nila. kung may powers lang ako gaya ng mga ae'sedai, babalutin ko sasakyan nila ng one power para sila lang ang makakarinig ng mga busina nila hanggang sa tuluyan na silang mabingi! pati na rin ang mga smoke belchers na yan! sana sila na lang ang malason ng kanilang mga ibinubugang usok at ng mawala na sila sa mundong ito!

tulad ng nangyari sa akin kagabi! gusto kong ibato sa pagmumukha ng driver ng van ang dala kong pizza dahil sa inis sa busina nya. kaso baka may baril ang mokong. hehehe. ayokong mamatay sa ganoong paraan, noh!

bakit ba hindi na lang tanggalin ang mga businang yan! kung mawawala yan, matututong mag-ingat at maging cautious ang mga motorista sa daan. mababawasan pa ang noise pollution sa mundo.

Grrr!!! i think i'd die early because of my frustration that i have no supernatural powers to fight evil in this world.=( kawawa naman ang mga api...

The Sims 2

My hoseal and i just acquired a new PC three weeks ago. i've been dreaming for this since last year coz i can't wait to get my hands on The Sims 2! Now that i have it, i got so hooked on it! it's too addictive! it's a marvel of marvels! it's so cool that i could stay awake till morning playing it. heeheeh ok, i exaggerated there a bit coz i have work and i'm studying and i don't have the luxury of time to spend more than 3 hours playing with the computer. but honestly, the graphic's great, the drama is wonderful, your power as a God controlling or watching those 3D characters do their thing is so wickedly fun! As in! the 3D sims are doing stuff they have never done before. i mean, their reactions to things and the different stimuli around them... their movement... their choices... their appearances... the consequences of their knowledge/skills to the things they do like cooking...these are just some of the things that made the game so wonderful! it's so much fun! it's almost like the real thing.

try it and see for yourselves. you won't be disappointed. :)

oooh, i can't wait for The Sims 2 University....

Funny Piece

i have read this pice from Blind_Beggar_Genre. it's really cute.

here is the link, Love, Cinderella and the Gay Frog Prince

;)

hit counter

alas! my hit counter is working! and there are already 15 hits since last month. i should update this blog more often then. and develop my english and grammar too for that matter.

i would like to thank all the people who read this unadorned and pathetic blog. i really appreciate your time, interest, and effort in reading my posts. =) please feel free to issue or publish comments, questions, clarifications, angsts, suggestions, etc at the comment section of each posts.

=)