being normal and human

to date, i've been in a relationship for 7 years, 8 months and 17 days. he's my first (and only) love and i am his (walang kokontra!). together, we have gathered a lot of beautiful, magical, and spiritual moments to cherish. we've also encountered a lot of trials and difficulties but managed to face them all unscathed.

for all those years, i have made him the center of my life. i didn't join any organizations in college because i wanted to spend all my free time with him. i never got the chance to expand my circle. i never got the chance to talk to other people but his friends and mine. but i am happy with it. and during those years i expected the same from him.

but these past few months i started asking myself questions like, "what would i be if we hadn't met at such an early age?"..."what does it feel like to flirt or date other men?"..."do all men kiss the same?"...questions that i do not know if i would be able to answer. questions that popped up only when a single girlfriend tells me stories of her escapades and crushes. or when a gorgeous and smart guy took notice of my presence.

and then i wondered why i hadn't asked those questions before. not that i have plans of trying those things now, i was just wondering why only now? was it because of what happened last october? or was it just that i was too enthralled by hoseal's charms before to notice other men? he used to tell me that my beauty overshadows every beautiful thing in this world. he's pretty sweet, noh? hihihi (giggle).

enyweis, i asked myself what was i thinking of? why ask? why wonder? and i begn wondering if it somehow affected my love for hoseal? -- surely, it didn't. or was it the other way around? -- Definitely NOT! so, why?

ahh, i was just being normal and human. just like my roommates. just like my girl friends. just like hoseal. -- we talked about it before, and the feeling is mutual.

i hated it. i hated being normal. why can't i just live a fantasy life like before? why do i have to be just like everybody else? it brought complications in my life. it challenged everything i used to believe in.

but, it freed me. it freed us both. it made my trust for him complete. and the freedom we have right now is very good for our relationship. it helped me grow into a more mature individual (or so i hope). and it definitely made us stronger! :)